


I've got the salt skin (running to where he is)

by livinginadaydream (orphan_account)



Category: Disney RPF, Jonas Brothers
Genre: Agoraphobia, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-07
Updated: 2010-07-07
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:14:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/livinginadaydream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say it's genetic, but somehow that doesn't help Nick be any less confused to hear that his brother is afraid to leave the house.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've got the salt skin (running to where he is)

Rose Marino won't leave the house anymore. When she was barely tall enough to reach the kitchen counter, her mother would have to coax her out of the house, to school. Bribes of dressy gloves and glossy purses got Rosetta through grade school, and then a simple, increasing allowance got her through the rest. She kept the money in one of her little-girl purses because she never felt like going anywhere to spend it. Eventually the money was used to pay, in part, for her first year of college. There was trouble getting her to classes from the dormitory and eventually Liz Anderson and Cornelia McBride, her roommates, stopped trying.

That was, until Rose met Frederick. He helped her along to classes, his arm right behind hers, fingers closed together. He made her feel special, like her skin was enough to cover her. Frederick Jonas gave her armor.

Last week there was an incident at the bank. Rose was there when an armed robber set about putting the branch members in a panic, shooting up at the ceiling before telling them to get to the ground. At first she was merely in shock, doing as told, mechanically. Then there was yelling, and she'd closed her eyes tight, but the wishes she muttered went unheard as a gun was fired and a small drop of blood landed on the floor before her as her eyes surged open. She had a severe panic attack. Everything turned out okay for everyone who was neither the person with the bullet wound nor criminal.

Notification of loan approval reached her before everything was able to sink in, and loan approval meant that she got her house. Everything was moved in, but not even she could say how she was going to keep it after she called into her job seven days in a row, finally quitting on the eighth.

Frederick will marry her in her home. He will make payments with the money from his job and eventually they will own the house. Rosetta will have an older boy and a younger girl, both birthed from within the home. They will be in debt for quite a long time due to the house calls and only one salary that gets cut short every time Fred takes off work to usher his children to the doctors for check-ups. At least the house will be kept up nicely, Rose being very organized with plenty of time to clean and cook and keep things in order.

-

They say it's genetic according to the family history. From the age of about three, when his awareness began to grow, possibly induced by the fact a little brother had been pushed into his life, Joe would scream and cry every time they put him in his car seat. At first they wondered if the straps were cutting into him, hurting him, but even loosened a dangerous amount, tears would be flooding from his eyes. They took him to a doctor, then a therapist, and it took a few _years_ to decipher that Joe is agoraphobic.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is the only means they have for a breakthrough with a child so small. He can't take medication until he's at least sixteen. Slowly it begins to help enough that Joe can be out of the house for an hour or so at a time before it really starts to get under his skin. Homeschooling is the only option and as Nick grows, and becomes the one Joe holds onto every time they buckle Joe up in the car, he's home schooled alongside his brother. Kevin, their oldest child, seems to naturally come to that decision on his own, that he wants to take care of school at home as well because he's not too popular and he's sick of being made fun of for wearing glasses amongst other things.

They're a close family so it's normal that Nick chooses to slip into Joe's bed instead of his own. Kevin Sr. is worried that Nick will develop the same conflicts from being around Joe too much, but Denise insists that if he does, indeed, develop it, it was probably there all along.

One day, while Joe is busy with homework, getting ready for an appointment with Dr. Callaghan, Nick approaches his mother and quietly asks what's wrong with Joe. He's still young and no one's really bothered to explain why Joe has these hours each week away from him, meeting with someone, and _he_ doesn't, and _Kevin_ doesn't. Mom's pregnant and maybe extra emotional, worn out, so there's tears that form in her eyes as she sits him down at the kitchen table and begins to explain.

"He's... afraid of everywhere that isn't our house?" he asks once she's finished putting it into easy terms. Denise nods her head and pets at Nick's curls because his eyebrows are tight together. He doesn't understand how that's possible. He loves being outside, and someday he's going to be a pro baseball player. He wants Joe to come to all his games, see him play. _No_, he wants Joe to be on the team with him, chewing gum out on the field, mitt on hand, gloves and bats. "Why?"

"Sweetheart," his mother says, and Nick looks back at her, turning his head away from Joe on the couch in the living room. He's smart. She's not going to answer. Maybe she doesn't know why either. "We just have to be supportive and help him see that it's not such a scary thing, alright?" She pulls him into a partial hug, his cheek flat against her round belly, and he nods against it before she guides him back up with fingers curled over his bony shoulder.

Nick kind of doesn't know what to do with that. He ends up holding Joe's hand a lot though, even when they're inside, earning weird looks from his older brother, but Joe never asks him about it. In fact, he appreciates the gesture even though he doesn't think it helps much.

It does though, actually. It just takes some time.

-

Part of his therapy is that Joe needs to spend at least an hour a day outside. They have a swimming pool he's never been in, a nice, pretty garden, and a very nice neighborhood he used to only see through the windows of their car.

ESPN is on a lot at their house. Nick's still dead serious about becoming a professional ball player even though he's been hesitant up to this point about joining a team. He doesn't want to make Joe feel left out, but Joe's told him hundreds of times that he doesn't mind. Nick insists on waiting a little longer.

One day it switches over after a game between the Yankees and the Redsox to a track meet. When Nick gets back with their sandwiches, he moves to turn the channel. Joe doesn't let him, making a grab for the remote and missing. This earns a confused, slightly amused look from his little brother who puts the remote down and lifts his hands away slowly in a joking manner. "It's okay to use your words Joseph," Nick reminds him, but he's smiling warmly when Joe semi-glares at him.

"I just want to see this, okay?" Nick laughs under his breath, then takes a bit from his sandwich and focuses on the men running. Joe seems intensely into it every time Nick gets bored and decides to look at Joe instead. It's just that, Joe sees how lost in it they get, how driven-focused they are, and he wonders if he could lose himself like that. If running could be the outlet Dr. C has been telling him about all along.

When mom comes in with the groceries, they help her put everything away and then she tells Joe it's time. He looks kind of pained at just the thought of it, so Nick smooths a hand down his back, reminding him that he'll be by his side just like always. Joe sucks in a breath and tries to ask Nick for something different than usual. Usual being that Joe sits on the front or back porch and either converses with Nick about nothing for an hour straight, plays a game he can't focus on, or watches Nick pitch the ball to himself for a hit. When it's warm enough, sometimes Nick will swim, calling Joe his lifeguard even though they're not sure Joe would go in the water even if Nick was drowning. Nick thinks he would though, but he doesn't say it out loud because he doesn't want to put pressure on his brother.

"I was thinking that maybe..." He doesn't want to, is the problem. Joe doesn't want to be outside of the house at all, so he definitely doesn't want to get too far from it. Only, he really would like to try running. Nick's waiting patiently for him to say something, but Joe just huffs out a sigh in the end. They play Go Fish on the front deck, and Joe's leg is bouncing up and down until Nick forces it down with a palm and _keeps_ his hand there.

That night, Joe works up the courage to ask his parents for a tread mill. At least that way he can see if he likes it, how it affects him mentally. After a a few moments of discussing how it affects them financially and whatnot, they agree. Joe gets to pick out his own, online, and sends a quick email to his therapist telling her what's running through his mind.

-

In the summer before Nick turns thirteen, he joins a baseball team at the YMCA. Joe would like to be happy for him except that Nick starts to get a little bitchy about things. It's like Joe has to catch Nick on a good day to get him to go outside with Joe when Joe's actually feeling up to it. They're going to start Joe on his meds soon but haven't just yet. They can't even guarantee it'll work. Initially, Joe wonders if his position on the team has gone to his head. He's next up for co-captain already. That just doesn't sound like Nick. He's been successful pretty much always and not once has it made him act like _this_.

He still has his good days though, one of them being a day when Joe asks him if he'd mind going out back with him for a while. Nick's face softens from where he's concentrating on cleaning his cleats and asks Joe if it's alright if he swims for a while, loosens up his muscles a little. Joe agrees, just happy to have a pleasant little brother this time around, and waits for Nick downstairs.

Joe settles on a lounge chair, fingers gripped tightly over his stomach, and breathes. In a tee-shirt and swim trunks, Nick makes his way over to the pool, steps down most of the way and then takes his shirt off, flinging it to the side. Joe doesn't really think about it much. He watches Nick move through the water and wonders if it just feels like a big bath. He doesn't take baths anymore, but he can kind of remember what they feel like, a clear line of separation all the way around, of air to water.

His little brother seems slower than usual, Joe thinks, as he watches Nick grasp the edge of the pool closest to him. It's good when Nick relaxes, but at the same time, it kind of makes Joe a little nervous. Trying to breathe it out, he closes his eyes and pictures inside. Bedroom, kitchen, living room, and opens his eyes again. Nick's stepping out of the pool when Joe's eyes come back into focus and he seems so... tiny. More so than usual. In fact, Joe thinks he can see Nick's ribcage until the maroon cloth of shirt covers him up again.

"Changed my mind," Nick tells him, when he comes back onto the covered deck. Joe wonders if he had those rings under his eyes before and just didn't notice. Ignoring the urge to pull Nick down on the same chair and force him to sleep, Joe pats the chair right next to him, then lets his hand hang over the arm of the chair. He misses when Nick would hold his hand for no reason at all.

After a few minutes crawl slowly passed, Joe turns his head to look at Nick who seems a little uncomfortable. "You're not getting enough sleep." It's almost a question, but not because Joe doesn't want to have to worry about what it means if it's not lack of sleep that's afflicting his baby brother.

"Um... yeah, probably," Nick says after a moment, not looking at Joe. It's that more than anything that makes Joe go to his mother and father that night. They dismiss him, but he keeps a closer eye on Nick after that, offering to sleep on the floor if Nick wants his bed, and they can share a room. He's not taken up on the offer, mostly because Nick thinks Frankie would be upset if Nick ditched him for Joe. Which is nice and all, but Frank would probably be cool with having the room all to himself for a while. Joe realizes that Nick's trying to hide it and has been, whatever it is, hence the tee-shirt halfway in the pool, and refusing to share a room which might result in changing in front of Joe.

A month later Nick collapses. Joe's on his meds that don't seem to help, but he hardly realizes he's out of the house until Nick's in a hospital room with a door closed between them. Joe has a panic attack and passes out.

-

A few weeks is all it takes for Nick to fully recuperate, though he feels better within hours of receiving his first insulin injection. Losing so much weight like he did though, hurt him, and it takes a while to get his diet in order. Joe's been resting on the couch with him, trying to share his bed, watching him while he eats, but it's all a bit much for Nick. He ends up biting at Joe the way he did before they knew what was wrong so Joe tries to back off. He hates to, but he tries.

The whole tread mill thing worked out really well. Joe's finding that exercising is his favorite time of the day, and he'd do it forever if he could. Unfortunately he's still working up his stamina but he always runs until his calves burn.

Truth is, after Joe got back home with Nick, the assurances he received that Nick would be okay kind of impassioned him. He's been getting this itch to run, really run. Not just on some stupid contraption in the basement, but to test it out on the streets. Joe figures if he hates it, that he won't have to do it again. No one would make him. All they're really trying to do is get him comfortable enough _in_doors, so that a car ride is all Joe has to deal with as far as fear pricking up under his skin, making him sweat. The goal is to help him get in a state of mind where someday he'll be able to hold a job, and eventually get married, have a family.

There hasn't been an actual discussion, but from pieces here and there gathered throughout the years, someday his parents will move out, when he's old enough, and leave the house for him. Some days he can't wait to have it to himself, some days he can't imagine it feeling like _home_ when they're gone.

He knows it's not good to force it, because one time just to see, one of those days he wished no one else existed, his dad forced him into the car, and into church for a two-hour sermon. It didn't work well at all, and Joe couldn't even step a foot out the door for two weeks. That was a while ago though, and since then he'd like to think he's gotten better.

Maybe, he wonders as he ties on his tennis shoes (not ideal for running, he knows), the pills are helping, if this is something he even _thinks_ he can try. He's waited until Nick seems strong enough. He goes to Nick and Frankie's room, and Nick picks up on the fact Joe's wearing shoes pretty quickly, tossing a confused look up at Joe. His appointment isn't until Friday. "I want - Will you go running with me?" It takes a moment to get comfortable with the idea. As long as he's spent wanting Joe to stop being afraid so they can experience an entire world together, he's worried Joe will push himself too far. He swallows thickly before nodding and pulls his shoes on too.

They don't get far. One reason being the fact that Nick is a little out of shape. The second being because Joe's chest starts to rise and fall rapidly despite his stamina for running being quite high now. At one point he just stops, and Nick only gets a few steps ahead before he stops too and turns back to Joe. It's barely a moment between Nick seeing Joe's face that his arms are wrapped tight around his older brother's middle. Even though he's shorter than Joe, he feels the soft tips of hair brush against his neck as Joe rests his forehead on Nick's shoulder.

"I love you," Nick says, squeezing Joe to him. "We're alright. You're alright. We can go home now." For a few quiet minutes they just stand there, Nick holding him, until Joe can reinforce the wall separating breathing and hyperventilating. Joe's got his arms around Nick's waist and Nick has an arm over Joe's shoulder, gripping tight, as they walk back home. Nick tells Joe he can close his eyes if that'll help, and Joe does for a moment, but then he gets nervous and they open again.

When they get home, Joe is exhausted and Nick doesn't even think twice before following Joe into his bed, pulling the sheet up over both of them as Joe once again buries his face between his neck and shoulder. Nick rubs at his back until Joe falls asleep. He feels silly when he looks down at the black hair of his brother's head nestled close to him and can't hold back the swift urge to lay a kiss there. He's younger and small, but Joe's skinny too and that makes it easier to be the one holding him. And that it's Joe, well that makes the thought of holding anyone else nearly incomprehensible.


End file.
